Thursday, May 18, 2017

Whelmed

I've recently realized I live life in a steady state of being whelmed. Whelmed, you say? Let me remind you of one of the greatest scenes in all of movies.



Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with life, but most of the time I'm just whelmed. Whelmed for me means I'm hovering near my fill line. It means I've filled my glass nearly as full as it will go without going over. It means I almost add just a few more drops just to see how close I can get to the top. Because as long as I'm not over, I'm good, right? Sometimes I think so, but I'm also not exactly the best person to make this assessment.

The last two weeks have been more overwhelm than whelm. Some of that's been on me, and some of it's been "stuff" out of my control. Although I've also started realize that if I didn't live so close to the edge than maybe I wouldn't tip the scales so often. 

Yesterday though, y'all, I tried something new - Underwhelm. I took Dustin to class, and then rather than running errands or shopping, I just walked around the JCCC campus. I always find comfort in a campus. It just feels like home for me. This day was particularly special in that it was finals. Campus was slow, almost at a crawl. I spent an unplanned 90 minutes walking (and maybe catching some Pokemon - #noshameinmygame) just walking. I admired the art (if you've never seen their outdoor art, it's so great), and I did nothing. It took me awhile to get in the rhythm. At first, I thought it'd just be ten minutes, then ten became twenty, then thirty, then my husband was calling because his final was over. 

After I came back to reality, it was also one of those, "Why don't I do this more?!?!" moments. And y'all, I have no good answer for that. My therapist worked with me to be more mindful - to live in the moment. Truth be told, I live in lots of moments, but rarely the one that's happening. Instead, it's all about that whelm. What can I add? What more can I do? What else can I finish? How can I do all of the things?

Well, I can't.

When I started blogging, I didn't think these were the posts I'd write. However, I'm also glad this is where I've often landed. I've come to find that the thoughts and posts that swirl in my head are these. There's been strange comfort in putting this out into the universe. In some ways, it helps take a little of that whelm off the top. . . 

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