Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Becoming Unapologetic

If I'm being honest (and I am obviously), I've been sitting on this post for about six weeks now. Although when the title first came to mind, it was going to be in a completely different direction. Then, I just never wrote it, but I also couldn't stop thinking about it. 

You see, this post started as something inspired by my favorite professional wrestler (yes, I have one of those) Becky Lynch. Back in November, I went to see Monday Night Raw at the Sprint Center. Becky Lynch unexpectedly showed up, and it was incredible. She came, and she dominated, and she was just totally and unapologetically herself in the moment. For context (in case that's your thing?), here's what went down:

Also, I was then THIS close to Becky as she exited the arena. So, that was totally awesome.

ANYWAY. As I said, that's where this post started way back in early November. I was going to write a post more about loving what I love (professional wrestling being one of those things as a rediscovered love from my childhood) and not apologizing for that. It wasn't a bad idea for a post, but it also just wasn't the post that I was totally all about. So, I didn't write it, but I kept thinking about the concept, and thinking about it some more, and still thinking about it some more.

Which brings us to now. . . 

So, as we look to a new year, y'all should know that I'm really sh*tty at making resolutions

For the past two years, I have picked a word for my year. I'm all about it in this moment. Then, I go ahead and forget about whatever that word was within the first month for the year. I also tack on a bunch of other goals as I think about the year to come, and I tend to forget about those, too.

I'm not saying that goals are bad for me, but the way I've been framing them isn't working.

So, this year, I'm coming into the year in a very different way.

No, seriously. I really am.

A few months back, my coach had me pull together all the words and goals I'd made for the year. At times, this was a bummer experience as I saw all those unrealized moments. I stumbled upon words I didn't even know I picked. Not exactly how this is also supposed to work. 

With this exercize, my coach surprised me (in a good way) of what I should be doing.

I needed to be better at gifting myself some grace.

I have been putting so much weight on my words and goals that I don't give myself any breathing room. I don't give myself any space to actually do.

I put so much weight on the perfect plan and set of goals that they don't mean anything. I'm so focused on the end destination that I completely disregard the journey. I forget that plans change, goals can shift, and that there can be joy in a process. 

So, this year, I'm focusing on being unapologetic. Things might not be perfect, and I don't need to apologize for that and/or feel like that's a totally bad thing. I might not adhere entirely to the plans I've developed, and I don't need to apologize for that. I need to allow myself to have the grace to adapt and shift and re-assess. I really just need to be.

You know as I write this out, it's weird because technically I DO have a word for the year with unapologetic, but at the same time I don't have a word for the year.

becky lynch no GIF by WWE

Although, what I'm really saying this that this year I'm focusing on attitude. I'm taking the moments at they come. Instead of writing the story for 2019 before it happens, I'm allowing it to just happen. Do I have goals and hopes and plans? Obviously. However, it's all in how I take them on. I'm going to really focus on being in the moment(s) that make up the year.

So, if you need me in 2019, I'll be over here channeling my own brand of that Becky Lynch attitude.

talking smack bring it on GIF by WWE